The dream book for any author šŸ™‚

Tara Sparling writes

Dear Mister Publisher,

I have written the best book. My book will be bigger than the bible. It will makeĀ cynics laugh, optimists cry,Ā andĀ toast. Before he died,Ā David BowieĀ said he wished he had written it.

It is impossible to say what my book isĀ about without revealingĀ a shocking twist which has never ever been done before, so peopleĀ will have toĀ buy it to find out. Anyone who doesnā€™t understandĀ my legitimateĀ reasons for secrecy is a potential terrorist.

Book jacket quotes will come from Ellen DeGeneres and the Dalai Lama.Ā Ā Bono, James Joyce and Donald Trump will offer quotes, but be politely refused. The New York TimesĀ  will ask to syndicate it.

Genre doesnā€™t matter because absolutely everyone will want to read my book. People who havenā€™t read it will pretend theyā€™ve read it, but get eviscerated at brunch parties for not understanding it properly. They will then pay someone else to go and buy itā€¦

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